The Evil Conderno
by Tei Higashi
Summary: Ohh no! what's this? It's the outcasted smurfs party! But what's going to happen? a flying peice of paper with a sword? Dan having way too much fun? THis is gonna get ugly.... Okay maybe i'm not good at summaries but read it anyway!!


The Evil Conderno  
  
"Damnit!" Junkie smurf said as she took some angel dust out of her pocket. "What, bitch?" Homie asked while pulling her falling pants up and fixing her smurf hat. IT was the Me monster's birthday, and Junkie and Homie were trying to make a birthday cake. "Some craq fell into the cake!" Junkie said as she crunched her nose, and her eyes became wide. "Junkie, I thought you weren't effected by that damn Junk anymore!" Homie questioned. "It doesn't," Junkie said, taking a shot of vodka and throwing the rest of the contents of the bottle into the mix. "This is gonna be one fucked up part, g" Homie excitedly stated. All of a sudden, Dan came into the room with presents stacked to the ceiling. "Dan!" Junkie screeched as she lit her pipe. "Hey Junkie! Hi Homie!" Dan started, "Got the me monster's presents yet?" "Hell ya!" Homie said, flashing him a large wrapped box. "How's the cake comm'n?" Dan asked. "Fun and.Dandy?" Junkie replied as she took out the needle from her arm. "Are you sure I can trust you guys?" He asked. "Definitely, biotch!" Homie said, making gestures with her hand. "Okay.and by the way, when are Elfie and Skitzo, and Pyro coming?" Dan asked. "They're supposed to be here at any second, bizzo!" Homie exclaimed. "Do you always have to swear at me?!" Dan screamed. "DAMNIT!" Junkie screeched as she lit up a cigar. She puffed it up in two seconds, then put ten more in her mouth, "Now where did I put my lighter?" "I think Pyro might have taken it." said a strange, yet familiar voice behind them. "Yo! Whaz up Skitzo?" Homie Smurf exclaimed. "Good. Good. Pretty bad. Okay. Fine." Skitzo said in different voices. "Hiya!" Elfie smurf said as her pointy ears twitched. "Hellllllllllllooooooooooo" Pyro smurf said, pouring gasoline onto a small lighter. "So you guys ready for the Me monster's birthday?" Junkie asked, stuffing four pills of estasy into her mouth. "Yes. I didn't get her a gift. Yes you did! No I didn't. Yes. No! YES! NO! YES! NO! YES!" Skitzo screamed as she started to punch herself. She held onto her hair and dragged herself across the room and into a picnic table. "Yea, we got her something!" Elfie said, "I had my friends in the forest make them." "Friends." Pyro said. She turned off her light for a second, but quickly re-lit with giant flames covering her face, "What kind of friends?"  
  
"Elvish friends!" Elfie said. We all quickly put the presents on the table, put up streamers and balloons, and took the cake out of the oven. "Stupid heat!" Pyro said, "We should roast it!" Pyro's lighter ran out of fluid, so she switched to matches. Homie took the cake out of the oven, and Junkie brought over some frosting. "Junkie. did you put something in the cream?" Elfie asked. Junkie looked down, then to the others, down again, and back to the others. "I can't remember." Junkie said as she took some weed out of under her hat. "Junkie!" All of them screamed. "Bitch!" Homie exclaimed. "Well we can't re-bake it. Why not? Because the me monster's gonna be here at any second! NO she's not! Don't talk smack boy! Do you wanna go? Yea! Hey take it outside!" Skitzo said, leaving the room. Once she was gone, the others heard glass breaking, assaults being thrown, and bangs on walls and doors. "Anyway." Dan started, "The me monster's supposed to be here at any second!" "Put the cake on the table and hide!" All of the smurfs hid (including Skitzo) and turned off the lights. Ten seconds later they heard the door creak open. The shadow of the me monster stumbled into the door and fell over two chairs before finally turning on the lights. "Surprise!" All of the smurfs screamed. "Happy Birthday!" Dan said "Yea!" The me monster exclaimed, "It's my BIRTHDAY!" Every smurf gave the me monster her present, and she opened them all in a manner of seconds. Then, Pyro lit the candles, but almost burnt the whole cake. "Happy birthday to you!," They all sang, " Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear, the me monster. Happy birthday to you!" The me monster was about to blow out the candles when a piece of paper wearing a Spanish cowboy hat, a cape, an eye mask, and a sword screamed. "Conderno!" The masked paper said. "Who is it?" Elfie said as her ears twitched and her eyes got larger.  
  
"Damnit!" Homie said, "Why are you rain'n on our party?" "Get out! Leave! What are we doing?" Skitzo said. "Dime! Conderno!" The paper said as it flew in the air, landed on the table, and drew it's sword. "It it's a fight you want, then fine!" Dan said. Dan drew a sword from the wall and held it in front of him. "Conderno!" The paper said. IT started fighting Dan. Sparks flew in the air as the smurfs watched. Finally, unable to control herself, Pyro threw gasoline on the evil Conderno and lit a match. "Burn baby!" Pyro said as she tossed a match at the evil Conderno. Within seconds he burnt to a crisp. " Good Job Biotch," Homie said while pulling her pants up and slapping Pyro on the back. "I want some munchies," Junkie said as she took out a joint. Pyro lit it for her. "Oh no!" The Me monster screamed, "The house!" All of the smurfs looked at the house that was now on fire. The evil Conderno was on the floor, still burning. They all just shook their hands and Elfie did a dance to put out the fire. They all walked to the marijuana field and harvested some crop. Dan cut himself and was on the floor screaming, so as an initial reaction. Junkie and Homie both screamed. "DAMNIT!"  
  
  
  
The End. until I get bored again. 


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